The Double Sided Coin of Pride {Episode 29}

None of us want to be guilty of pride; puffing ourselves up and acting better than other people is just yucky.

But could we be guilty of the other side of pride? The one where we think self-criticism is humility but it's still just a focus on ourselves?

Satan wants to trip up God's daughters and distract us from our great purpose, and one of the ways I see him do this over and over again is by confusing humility for self-hatred.

Join me in this week's episode where we get clear on what true humility looks like, how to escape from this self-loathing trap and how to feel more of God's love for ourselves.

My interview on this topic with Jordana Thiessen on LDS and Living Life.

Read Confronting the Myth of Self-Esteem, the book that opened my eyes to this concept.

Download my free guide to getting your coaching business up and running in ONE weekend.

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Pride is one of the greatest sins we are warned against. Proverbs16:18 says "Pride goeth before destruction"; Malachi states that the "proud and wicked shall be as stubble" and in 2 Timothy we learn that "men shall be lovers of their own selves...proud and unholy."

Because it sounds so awful, we Christian women naturally stay far from it. But is the opposite of pride humility? What IS on the other side of pride?

When I was a young adult, I struggled a lot with feeling not good enough. I didn't think I had enough motivation and self-discipline and i constantly fell well below the extreme expectations I set for myself. As a full time church missionary in my early 20's, this need to self-flagellate got even worse.

I talked to my mission leader and explained this problem and he shared a book with me called Confronting the Myth of Self Esteem. This is no exaggeration: reading that book completely changed my life. What it told me is that what I was experiencing wasn't humility at all, in fact, it was another form of pride.

The dictionary definition of pride = a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, What I was experiencing was self-criticism, disparagement and belittling and I was assuming it meant I was extra humble or modest. But what I learned was that it was essentially a LOW or inordinately negative opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority.

What I finally understood was that God didn't want us to stop thinking we were so great or that we were so terrible, He just wants us to stop thinking about OURSELVES. If one side of the pride coin is self-aggradizement, then the flip side is self-criticism! It's only humility when we take the focus completely OFF ourselves and back onto God.

One of the past prophets of our church, Gordon Hinkley told a similar story about his service as a missionary. He wrote home, telling his dad how lonely and miserable he was, lamenting how he wasn't doing any good. His dad simply wrote back: Forget yourself and get to work.

Here's the truth: Satan wants us OFF this path of shining our lights into the world. He tempts some with the traditional definition of pride (vaunting themselves above others), but that's not a temptation for most of us women of faith. Instead, he tempts US with a different selfish focus: that of just how terrible and unworthy we are. But if we truly know God and His love, then we know those feelings are not of Him.

When you work on your business, there will likely be many times when you feel badly about yourself and your performance. You'll think you're not talented enough, not smart enough, not experienced or educated enough. You'll see others who are doing it "better" and you'll be tempted to spin into despair.

When that happens, remember these words: forget yourself and get to work! The world needs what you have to give it, and God needs you as His servant. There simply isn't time to wallow in self-pity or criticism. None of us needs to be perfect, we only need to be willing.

Bring this to a coaching call if you struggle excessively with this! I'd love to help you.