30. The Emotional Work Necessary to Own a Business

When we think about building a business, we usually think of all the tactical or technical skills we'll need to learn, like building a website, or learning sales or marketing.

And while these skills are definitely important, it's the work of managing and feeling our emotions that will ensure whether or not we succeed or fail.

Why are emotions so important? Because our emotions drive EVERYTHING we do.

Yes, everything.

Today we're going to learn how to process what we're feeling and how to learn from the hard or sticky stuff we'll inevitably go through.

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Life coaches help you get the results you want from life and we do it through analyzing your thoughts, emotions and actions.

In a business Facebook group, a business expert mentioned that she didn't think emotional work was necessary for every entrepreneur. 

I STRONGLY disagree! Being an entrepreneur (like becoming a parent, training for a physical event, going to college, changing careers or any other difficult journey) requires FEELING badly. 

Brooke Castillo shares how she talks about emotions at high-level bro marketing masterminds and no one wants to hear it, until they understand the power of our feelings. 

Emotions drive the WORLD. We have never done anything that we didn't think would make us feel better in some way or another (even the things that feel crappy first). 

We are conditioned to think that feeling badly means something is going wrong. 

Have you ever said or heard "I was gonna do this but it just didn't feel good?" 

This doesn't mean that we discount our intuition! But my intuition telling me to change course feels very differently than the negative emotions that business building brings up.  

There is a lot of physical and mental work required to build a business: marketing, scheduling, education, training, managing, tech, etc. 

But there is 1000x more emotional work. There's a reason that not everyone who wants to be an entrepreneur actually becomes one- it's HARD! 

In fact, theres a TON of emotional work in every area of life.  

Someone said some unkind words about me and my business recently and called me a bad mother.  

This is what happened to me after I read those words. First, my nervous system activated: increased heart rate, sweating, I definitely went into fight or flight mode.

What was the most interesting to me, though, was that fear and sadness were replaced by shame and anger. 

I also found myself justifying my anger by fault finding, defensive thoughts and words about the other person.  

Once I calmed my nervous system, I had the opportunity to learn SO much about myself and the thoughts and emotions that arrived on the tail of some criticism. 

Don't miss episode 21 about haters and trolls! Here are few questions to ask when we find ourselves dealing with inner or outer criticism.

Is there truth to it? 

What happens if they're/we're right? 

What happens if they're/we're wrong? 

What are their/our words/thoughts making you face? 

There is so much strength in vulnerability, but showing up as ourselves online is often NOT fun. It's scary and opens us up to criticism inside and out. 

But THIS is where the strength comes. I now know better how to deal with someone who attacks me and my life. 

I know how to deal with myself when I harbor critical thoughts about myself. So many lessons that come from building a business!